"Look ,...a brother"

"No , Mbutu . Even he is Indian. Eat your idly now. By the way, you are not supposed to eat dosa like that. A taco . yes. But dosa , you are supposed to eat like that old lady is eating " I glanced towards our sari clad restaurant neighbor.

"Oh . Alright. "

He awkwardly put down the rolled up dosa and gazed at that lady sitting next to our table. Mbutu was intrigued by the way she drowned her crunchy masala dosa in sambar.

"She get more gravy?" And now Mbutu was curious.

"Do i get to eat your dosa?"

He was not amused.  He had a serious look on his face when he almost made me shit in my pants. I grinned.

"Joke, ,man . Hehe."


I could see Mbutu's head turn towards that lady again who had almost gobbled up the entire family size masala dosa . She went through that south Indian marvel like a time lapse video during our Onasadya.

Expect the unexpected. Mbutu went ballistic on his ghee roast. His fingers were like Indiana Jones negotiating a crevasse filled volcanic mountain while being chased by flowing molten lava.

Mbutu -  The only Kenyan in the history of Kenya and Saravana Bhavan who made their waiter cringe at the sight of his plate. 

                                                                          Yes i am. The phenomenon of ageing has conquered this P-town menon. I have started growing a thicker stache n beard and stopped watching cartoon network.For now. I have a strange feeling of ownership and compassion towards everything these days.I ogle at girls to enjoy their beauty, cherish Gods creation.I read and watch questionable materials to critique and review the talent and creativity of my fellow human beings. I don't watch gossip girl to drool at mind blowingly hot women in their early thirties but to understand the complexities of human emotions and disentangle the confusions related to relationships and marriage. I don't consume alcohol to "look cooler" which is impossible to attain once you reach the maximum level of coolness. Alle? . I take my dates to classy restaurants where i insist on getting the check. I ask them for a dance , i make them feel like a queen for the night. It is amazing to be so mature in the dating world though there were some instances when i did too much of something and someone got really pissed, freaking out throwing drinks at my face , shouting obscenities at the top of their voice and storming out. I shall blame that on cheap wine and the sheer immaturity of those women who cant surrender themselves to natural urges that ensue romance. Shame on them. Seriously. Sharikkum.

" Can i have a bite of that sub? buddy." asked my roommate during dinner. Huh. Little did he know that i am mature now. Another individual's bite on my food ? .I was shaken already.

"No. You should get a knife from the counter with which you shall cut your designated bite-section and consume the same after placing it in YOUR plate." replied the mature me.

"You are a freak. you know that? " .
Ha!.A slander from an immature friend. As in Mister T would put it - I pity the fool. I pity the fool. Too bad he was the one who had the vehicle. I was left back in Subway to walk home or take the bus. Totally worth it. I am mature now.Smiley face with sunglasses.

                                                                         Though i died a little inside when a kid called me Uncle the other day, i felt quite mature when i threw his ball over the fence to the other side. I drink tea in a cup, eat chicken biriyani in a civilized fashion without chewing too much on the bones.I have also started reading other sections of the newspaper apart from the section which portrays not so famous celebrities attending clubs and club-owners who think putting Z in place of C is cool. I drool over Reese Witherspoon. Old people do that too. If you don't believe it , you should meet my uncle. Just kidding. ..or Am i ...? 

                                                                         Some immature souls may call this sudden maturity  "Gay" and for them i have only one thing to say and that's Hey , I have grown up , bitch! so go find someone who has your peanut size brain and play. Excuse me, The exotic rhyming in my words is as a result of prolonged exposure to not so mature West coast gangster rap. Peace!


[Yep.Back after long time but didn't want to start with another boring ->I am back<- post.]

FYI P town has a new shopping mall.Yes,...with automatic doors at the entrance,..a jaw dropper to the local population.My entry into the mall was witnessed by atleast 20 pairs of eyes.They were giving me mental highfive when the doors closed behind me.

After walking through the corridor filled with jewellery shops , i reached the second floor via the escalator.This time noone was staring at me boarding the same.Moving steps is not an eyecandy anymore in P town , thanks to Big Bazar where once p town's indigenous population flocked to take the escalator back and forth,..laughing ,..screaming and sometimes acting out their favorite scene from movies especially the hero's entrance.

Second floor had nothing either,..rather than a Baskin Robbins stall with empty chairs and tables in the front.Never put a business where its not supposed to be.As i waited for the guy to make my favorite baskin robbins tango, a mom-kid duo walked towards the shop.

"Do you have chocolate with cashew toppings?"

"Yes".The guy replied after switching on the contraption which made the tango.I noticed that the kid was pulling his mom's hand pointing at the brownish section of the baskin robbins offering.Kids love chocolate.Aint a surprise.

"One scoop is 65 rupees.and extra for toppings."

The lady mumbled something to the kid and both walked away.Baskin robbins wont be in P town for long mostly because of the cost and the gay color theme.Latter was a joke.hehe.

After my brief stint at the ice cream stall , i "escalated" myself to the third floor which had a big ass supermarket.The door man tried to usher me in,..but i grinned and shook my head.And finally i decided to leave the mall as most of the shops were under construction.With security guys easily surpassing the customers ,Jobys mall didnt amaze me at all.So i decided to take the autorikshaw to one of my favorite hangouts in palakkad- Tippu s fort, a stonewalled structure enclosing a hanuman temple , a jail ( wtf??? ) and surrounded by deep waterfilled trench.When the clock hits 5 in the evening , residents, oldies , kids, teens , lovebirds all converge in the vicinity.I found a place under the banyan tree which gave a 180 degree view of the fort entrance and the three 20 somethings eating ice cream infront of the park.Cant fight the hormones.

"Puthiya ala?"( Are you new here?)
Maybe i looked out of place with my cargos and red smirnoff tshirt.The mundu-wearing majority always despise ppl like us clearly proved by the facial expression the guy was having when he asked this question.

"Alla.Ivide thanneya." (No,i am a native)

"Evideya sthalam?" ( which part are you from ? )

"Stationde adutha" ( near the station )

"Aduthevade" ( Where exactly? )


"Estatelevede" ( where in Estate?)

"eh...Ration kadede backilu" ( Behind the rationshop)

"oh.Backilu ennu parayumbol?." ( Where exactly? )

I bailed before the guy started to ask about my sexual orientation. Fake Cellphone call - Always works.

Although i am giving out a negative vibe about my good old P town,.. i say folks - Its the best damn place to grow up. I think the town's dwindling population has added to her beauty , as crowded streets and walkways are mostly history. Not that people have stopped reproducing ( Its India Goddamit! ) , but because most of the youngsters including me have left P-town in search of greener pastures that could turn those brown mundus and bermudas into cargos and red tshirts.


2009 sucked bigtime for me. Hope its a whole different story this year.Speaking of which the whole new-years-resolution drama is a myth.Get control of your life.Introverts, get out!.Perverts,get a life!.Hypocrites,quit the bullshit!.Pessimists,a glass half full is enough to quench thirst so beat it!.Virgins,get laid!.Bloggers,keep writing!.Aussies,make fun of our accent but please quit the KKK.Britney,stop making music albums and god forbid-music videos.MTV,stop this reality mumbo jumbo.Hot girls,date bloggers who blah a lot in their blogs(wink) .

Happy new year readers ,bloggers,spammers!. Peace!

[thanks to wonderwoman for reminding me that i have a blog.]

...Englishman in palakkaD...

"Oh You want auto?.Get inside this one.Very big and strong.Very interesting ride but take care of your head on the way."

I was dumbstruck.I stared at the bald auto wala who just spoke to me in English praising his friend's diesel powered three-wheeler and at the same time patting its wind shield.It would have been fine if i was standing in Bengalooru or wtf they call it now,..but infact i was in "downtown" palakkad or Olavakkod.Because of my strict walk n talk policy (started long before that lame ad.pfff),i guess Mr.Oxford Chettan must have heard me while i was walking towards the auto-stand and talking to my friend on the cellphone.But i was convinced that the guy was not a palakkadian taking into account the number of autodrivers in palakkad who have responded to my "Chetta,Auto varumo??"(Is the auto ready to take passengers?) with perfect English.

"er....Interesting onnum avanda.Enikku sthalathu ethiya mathi" ( i don't want to make it interesting.I just want to reach my place).I replied with an awkward grin.

I saw the guy smiling at me while the auto turned around and crossed the Calicut national highway. My curiosity compelled me to ask my auto driver.

"So ...Whats wrong with that guy?"

"He is like that." The auto took a sharp turn to the left to let the angry red goverment owned ksrtc town to town superfast grim reaper to pass by.Doppler effect.Heartbeats are back to normal.Phew!

"Did you know that he just made fun of your auto? "

"....eh...? Is it? "

"Yes.He was ."

(No response)

"Well..Next time when he says something in English pointing at your auto,Just say 'shut up'."


I was relieved after i got down as i have imparted some wisdom to the auto driver teaching him one of the lamest come backs ever after "Whatever" and "So are you".But the question still remains unanswered - What the hell is the guy who talked to me in English doing here driving an auto?.He was not drunk as i am a person who is well versed with different drunk dialects in English. He may be a product of recession.If people getting laid off across the country are moving into jobs like these which were once considered prerogative for college and school dropouts , then the tourists visiting India are gonna get blown away for sure.Don't be surprised if you find a bus conductor humming to the tune of born to be wild,.. auto driver who can name all the 50 states in US, or god forbid,..a beggar who can beg in flawless English.I just couldnt stop me from replacing New York with Palakkad while humming to Sting's classic melody and hence the songtitle became the title of this post.


NO COPYRIGHT.But that doesnt mean that this s the place for you to show off your CTRL+C skills.